By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
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Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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