I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
