So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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