you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize