I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
