I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
