the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
