apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
