i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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