Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
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Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
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It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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