My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she told me i tasted like america
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
