i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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