did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
