I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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