Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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