My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
