and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize