They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
