ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
