Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
