if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
