Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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