On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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