hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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