my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
