office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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