i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
