Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
