i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
