I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
