there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
