For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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