just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
