This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
