You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
