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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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