Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
