You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
