We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
