big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
