I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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