Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
