I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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