I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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