i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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