I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
