So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
