just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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