but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
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I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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