Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
