Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
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My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
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YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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