Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
