do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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