we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
