Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
