I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
