She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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