his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
