i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
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