thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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