My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
