Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
