My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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