a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
