): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
