he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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