that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
