she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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