Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
