and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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