nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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